I have this friend who broke up with her boyfriend a couple of weeks ago. It’s not anything new anymore, since their on-off cycle has been the only permanent thing in their relationship. It takes two to tango. When two people break up, it’s never just one person’s fault. It always takes two to reach the point when you cannot take things any further. My friend is obviously hurting right now. But the guy is hurting too. People are always hurt when relationships end. I think what’s wrong with us is that we focus on our own hurts. We do not stop and think if other people are hurting too. We break up with the person we’re with because that person has hurt us. We don’t pause to consider if our reactions could actually give us more pain.
Love is a complicated word. I know that. Everybody knows that. We can define love in any way we want to, but the bottom line is that we can never completely describe it. I may not know exactly what love is, but I sure as hell know when love is not really love at all.
Love is not proud. Too often, we refuse to accept that we have faults too. We keep convincing ourselves and others that we are the ones aggreviated. We are the victims. We were hurt. We were let down. Does it really have to be that way? During those minutes that we keep talking to our friends about our heartaches, did we at least ask the other person if we hurt them too?
Love is not rude. Yes, they may not love us anymore. Those people who promised us forever, to love us without end, and to always be there for us? Well, they have walked away. They left us without even looking back. We are left alone to drown in misery. But do we really have the right to hurt them back? They may not have the right to hurt us, but we don’t have the right to hurt them too. We do not have the right to hurt each other.
Love is not self-seeking. The first question that we should all ask ourselves is: Why are we in a relationship with someone? Is it because we don’t want to be lonely? Is it because our exes have someone new now, and it’s just too embarrassing to come across them at random places and still be alone? Is it because we need someone to fill that void? Is it because we need someone to get us through? Are we really in love, or are we just looking for a person to make everything easier for us?
Love does not keep a record of wrongs. I am not saying that we should start being martyrs. I am not saying that we have to close our eyes to everything that is wrong. However, people are not perfect. Nobody is perfect. We all have our “fall from grace” moment. We all do something wrong at one point. It is not love when we keep going back to the wrong ones. If we can recall the wrong deeds more than the laughter, then there’s really something wrong with the relationship.
I am not a perfect lover. I have a lot of shortcomings. I am not patient. I only think of myself. I get angry easily. But one thing that I know how to do is forgive. I easily forgive, and that makes me a lot better than other people out there. I hope that one day, I will be mature enough to love people the way that they deserve to be loved.
As a close to this blog, I would like to include the passage from Corinthians 13. I’m sure that everybody is familiar with this. I think that no matter how many times we try to define love in our own way, we will always keep on coming back to this. The passage defines love in as much justice as it deserves. As cheesy as this may sound, the passage is actually correct.
1If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.